A refrigerator being crushed by a T-rex giving birth to a humpback whale while in the next room over Thor is releasing the Kraken. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you dUbStEp.
A lot of people are intensely into this new-ish genre of music. And there's an equal amount of people appalled by the fact that we list this "noise" under the heading of "music". As with every other form of self-expression, there's bound to be some controversy. I wasn't really all that into the metal-crushing sound of despair hitting a ceiling fan. Until I realized it was absolutely beautiful.
When I hear the term "self-expression" I think of a person painting a masterpiece. Or writing a poem. Or singing from their heart. I think of creativity coming from the inner sanctum of the soul. A room held under lock and key. A place with golden knobs, oriental rugs, and colorful furnishings that we're afraid others will disapprove of. When I think of self-expression, I think of a specific location inside of a person that's bright and airy; and when a person unlocks this hidden room, shining bits of beauty meander out towards the rest of the world. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? Well, it's wrong. It's wrong on so many levels. It's horridly, horridly ignorant. It's also wrong.
I realized a short time ago that no one is that neat and tidy. No one's inner self is an unending field of grass where unicorns frolic in rays of rainbow sunshine. Life is messy and people are messier. The "inner self" is mixed with mashed up gunk that we don't know what to do with. Sure, we contain a beauty that is meant to be shared with humankind. But that beauty is intermingled with frustration, anger, resentment, fear, and just a touch of self-loathing. We are certainly not perfect. And there isn't a special place inside of us that is. Every single part of us is tainted by our fallen nature.
Like I said, usually when I thought of self-expression, I thought of some kind of almost perfect beauty that emerges from the depths of our souls. Ya know, the usual philosophical jargon. After my recent ruminations, however, I've come to realize that the completely perfect representation of what's really going on inside of us is dUbStEp. (Gosh, I love random letter capitalization).
Everything that dubstep is, everything it sounds like is exactly how I feel. There's a mixed up musical emotion of deep bass, electronic whizzes and whirls, bells and chimes, squeaks and revving engines. But amidst the chaotic rumble of the refrigerator being crushed by the T-rex, there's an underlying order. A line of melody and timing that the machine of dissonance follows. It's like if someone took all the mixed up gunk and beauty inside of you and splattered it all over a canvas. The raw emotion blares uninhibited through the speakers. No words, just what seems like pure, unadulterated sound. That's the beauty of it. Because it's not unadulterated. It's been tinkered with and fixed. It's been played with until it's creator is satisfied with the product. But the perception of it is a chaotic one. How could there possibly be an order to this "noise"?
Well, how can there be an order to the mish-mash mess we attempt to self-express? It's almost a comfort to me. Like, I can now see myself (or rather hear myself) in dubstep. I see that it's possible to put into order what seems so decidedly disordered. But in a way that's so raw, it takes you by surprise and leaves you dumbfounded. I realize I'm all over the place, but I promise, I'm getting to the point.
My perception of myself has changed. I no longer believe that there's something wrong with me because my inner self isn't that beautiful land where unicorns reside. I always thought that that's what it was supposed to be. I always imagined self-expression to be a representation of something pure. But I've realized we're not pure. No part of us is pure. What's inside us is messy. And for me, through the clashing of seemingly randomized sounds, I find an order. Those times when I don't know how to get out the burst of energetic electricity inside me, when all I can think to say is "SHPLURGDEBURWESHXI". That's when I completely relate to the chaos of dubstep. It's messy, but beautiful.
Just like me.
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