"This Is Just Therapy"

"Loneliness and solitude are two things not to get confused. Because I spent my solitude with you." Therapy, Matt Thiessen (Thumbs up for Relient K?)

There is such an incredible negativity associated with solitude. Often times, we look at others who are constantly surrounded by people, and we may think, "Gosh, they're so lucky. They never have to know what being lonely feels like." I'm sure by now we've all realized, however, that being surrounded by friends (or random strangers) doesn't mean a person isn't alone. I know that personally, I feel most alone and detached when I'm doing nothing but being around people. If I don't get my self-prescribed alone time of the day, I actually feel completely distant from those around me. I need that portion of the day where I'm by myself. Whether I'm in my room, sitting and reading, driving in the car, or in adoration (the last one especially so). The truth of it is that I'm actually an introvert. I hate that I am. I try and put on this idea that I'm actually insanely outgoing. This idea that I adore being around people ALL the time and that I "super duper looooooove" doing stuff constantly. But I don't. I get physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually exHAUSTED when I'm around people 100% of the time. Because my body just can't take it. My soul is nourished by the time I spend alone. If I don't nurture that need properly, I get wrung out, irritated, and end up not being an enjoyable person to spend time with. I've come to realize the truth of this during the summer. And I've come to realize that I'm okay with it. I'm okay with no longer pretending like I enjoy the company of others. That sounded really mean. . . . .

I love my friends, and I adore my family. But it's actually pretty exhausting forcing myself to pretend like I'm not exhausted sometimes when I'm around them. It's draining to push off my urge for solitude and don the facade of the extrovert. This is an integral part of my personality and something that I do want those close to me to realize. I love all of you. But I also love being alone. I love thinking. I love finding a quiet place to ponder. It's my own personal type of therapy. I want to be completely honest. And I want others to be completely honest with me. I hate pretending. And I hate the idea of others pretending around me. I want people to tell me what's important to them. So I'm telling you what's important to me. Being lonely is not the same as being in solitude. Loneliness is feeling void of interaction. Solitude is choosing to void yourself of distraction, so that you can focus on the self. That's all I want. Time set aside to focus on me and to focus on the things that will make me a better me.

Now all I need is a secluded cave in the side of a mountain and I'm ready to start living the hermit life.  . . . Are there McDonalds on mountainsides?